Flying Down...

We are headed back to El Salvador! Gary Badgett, Tim Maxa, and I are on our way and it's already been an adventure. I was flying out of Des Moines and they were to fly out of Kansas City and we were meeting up in Dallas. My friend warned me we probably wouldn't get through Dallas after the winter storm that went through this past weekend and she was right. Both of our flights were cancelled about 8:30 p.m. last night. So then the question became...now what? After phone calls and messages and all the things, we were finally able to get tickets that would still get us down there today, just much later then planned. We flew from Des Moines to Chicago-O'Hare, which is where I'm writing this from. We have an afternoon flight to Panama City, Panama and then a late flight from there to San Salvador. Everyone on the ground in El Salvador has been made aware of all the changes and our wonderful driver, Alfredo, is still going to pick us up tonight (when we get in at 11:30 p.m.) and drive us over to the Pastoral House in Berlín. It's about a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive so it'll be nice and early tomorrow morning when we finally arrive. But we'll have made it and be able to stick to the originally planned schedule which makes everything easier for everybody.

It's still sinking in that I'm headed back. My last trip was 3 years ago and I returned home with some passengers - 3 intestinal infections that led to post-infection gastroparesis, which wreaked havoc on my health. The Southwest Iowa Regional Partnership sent a delegation in August 2024 but I wasn't ready to travel at that point. That's also the middle of the rainy season in El Salvador and I tend to avoid going down during the rainy season. I already have some difficulties with the heat and adding on being wet all the time just sounds like a bad idea. When Tim let me know (a few days before Christmas - nothing like last minute) that the trip was going and the dates, I knew I had a lot to think about. I wrote some about my thought process for my church newsletter article this month and I share that here now:

As you read this, I will be either on my way to, or already in, El Salvador as the Southwest Iowa Regional Partnership makes its visit to our sister community, Alejandría. It’s been three years since I last traveled there. Three years since I came back with 3 intestinal infections that wreaked havoc on my health – physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally – as they led to post-infection gastroparesis. And as I’ve shared the news of my decision to return, I know it has raised many questions. Why go back? Why take the risk? What if it happens again? What if something worse happens? And on and on.

They’re valid questions, many of them ones I’ve had to ask myself as I discerned if, and when, to return to El Salvador. I could go into all the details of the precautions I’m taking and the ways I am working to minimize the risks but at the root of these questions, and really at the root of my decision to go back, is one thing…fear. The questions reveal our fears and anxieties – about my health and wellness, about what the church would do if I got so sick again, about the impact my health has on those around me, and so on. As I said, these are valid and human responses and please know I am not making light of them. They weigh on me. At the same time, as I considered going back, one thought continually came up – I do not want to be afraid. I do not want to live my life in fear. I do not want to make decisions out of my fear, or others’ fears, of what might happen.

Throughout Scripture, over and over again, God tells the people, “Do not be afraid.” When Mary and the shepherds are greeted by the angels with news that will radically change their lives, “Do not be afraid.” When the prophets speak to the people in exile or during the exodus, “Do not be afraid.” The psalms proclaim, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you [God].” Jesus says it to the disciples, to the crowds, “Do not be afraid.” I wonder if we hear it so many times in Scripture because God knew how often faith and fear would go together, how they live side by side, and how much we would need the reminder of God’s presence and love so we might not be afraid.

And so, even as I have a bit of fear and anxiety over what may happen, I know it is time to go back to El Salvador. I know I would regret not going. I know I don’t want the fear of what might happen to keep me from the people and the experiences that are waiting for me. And I know this is true not only in my decision to return to El Salvador, but in many other areas of my life. I refuse to allow fear to keep me from loving others – even as that comes with the risks of pain, loss, and grief. I refuse to allow fear to keep me from preaching and living the gospel – love of God and love of my neighbors, all of my neighbors – even as that comes with the risks of upsetting people, making them angry, the extreme risk of losing my job or, even more extreme, the risk of losing my life.

This is part of what I believe and proclaim. In the PC(USA) Book of Order, we read that “the Church is to be a community of faith, entrusting itself to God alone, even at the risk of losing its life” (F-1.0301). And when we affirm our faith with words from A Declaration of Faith, part of what we say is that “we believe God sends us to risk our own peace and comfort in compassion for our neighbors…[and that] Christ calls each of us to a life appropriate to [God’s] kingdom: to serve as he has served us; to take up our cross, risking the consequences of faithful discipleship; to walk by faith, not by sight, to hope for what we have not seen.”

None of this means we are, or need to be, reckless. It is important that we each discern and understand the risks of what we choose to do and to know what level of risk we are comfortable with. But it is also just as, if not more, important that we remember who we are and who we are called to be. We are children of God and called to be God’s hands and feet in the world. And we remember God’s promise to always be with us and that assurance we find again and again in Scripture, “Do not be afraid.”

So, I'm on my way. We're on our way. Here's hoping these last two flights go smoothly and as planned. We'll jump right in tomorrow morning by going out to Alejandría, greeting everyone, meeting with the Directiva, and then starting our family visits in the afternoon. I'm going to try and write a bit each night, so feel free to follow along.

Grace and Peace,

Jessica Paulsen

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